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Whatever @penlovespaper is watching, the host is saying some really absurd, contradictory things:

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Minnesota Vikings NFC North Champions!!!

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Sorry, Germany! Your Euro is in another castle!

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Santa Claus, in a Cardinals shirt, at the Marlins game

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Finally have a proper screencap of Travis Wood’s bizarre wardrobe malfunction tonight:

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..who is this guy!?

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Luke Scott’s in Durham on a rehab stint, but wearing his Rays batting helmet:

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Why is ESPN giving Ian & Macca the Barbara Walters soft focus?

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Dwyane Wade homage to Dwayne Wayne!

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Now BASKETBALL has a Cigar Guy

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Bubba Watson’s at the Mets game, and appropriately-garbed:

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Oh, yeah, U.S. Open spectators are totally normal

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Can’t say I’ve ever seen a boxer DRIVEN TO THE RING

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BOBSLEDS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

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Charles Barkley’s pre-game pump-up music was Mariah Carey

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In “the most glamorous place in the world,” Scottie Pippen went out in public WEARING THIS

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Can’t say I’ve ever seen a team celebrate a walkoff win in the outfield

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AAAAAAAAAAAAND it’s Darth Vader throwing out the first pitch

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Looks like the Black Crowes’ Chris Robinson attended tonight’s Pirates game, & came dressed as the cover to Amorica

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Maybe don’t make the paper the same color as the green screen?

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Russell Westbrook’s shirt illustrates the nautical international code of signals (no, really that’s what it is)

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#toomanyhashtags

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Not paying much attn to the ACC tournament but WHAT IS THAT DOG DOING THERE

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Is Houston an especially colorful city or does WGN have their chroma cranked up too high?

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Brewers bananaman is back, much to the dismay of the woman sitting next to him

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This man has had a lot of peanut butta jellies in his time

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Hey, look! A fake streaker!

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Who’s the joker wearing a Batman hat right next to Jack Nicholson?

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This man is a professional athlete about to compete in a very important game.

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…the hell is this shirt?

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Now entering the game, random Sixers fan

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What’s with all these Liverpool supporters at a Bolton Wanderers match?

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What.. is this child wearing!?

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…wat.

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She went to Prom but instead went to a baseball game and wore a wedding dress to Prom at the baseball game

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In Cincinnati, it’s always Oktoberfest

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Apparently fans rush the field and tear down the goalposts in soccer, too

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This image of your Giants broadcasters presented without comment

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Dan Uggla is being targeted by Robocop

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I’ll use Vin Scully’s words to describe this scene at Dodger Stadium: “Well, there you go.”

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Hey, look, Jim Knox is shocked by something a man in a gorilla suit did

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wat

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Especially interested in what’s on tap? THESE PEOPLE.

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There is a guy wearing a Teletubbie head behind home plate in Chicago

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This Cubs team sure is a loving bunch.

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There is a reason behind this, but let’s just go with Texas Rangers Reporter Wearing Miami Heat Jersey At Baseball Game

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HALF MAN! HALF CHICKEN! HALF SQUID! All Cubs fan

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Yo, what’s up with this dude’s tie

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Hell YEAH I got my hula hoop at a college basketball concert

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The Milanese have PAC-MAN FEVER

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Indeed he is

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Only in Jacksonville would Arena Football be brought to you by Maritime Welding & Shipfitting

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It’s father-son Donghat day at Bolton

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Convincing evidence that Fernando Rodney is, actually, a robot

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“Hey dad, what are you going to wear to the NCAA tournament game?” “An ill-fitting LeBron shirt, of course.”

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We have a wat sighting

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Here is Don Cherry’s outfit tonight, complete with St. Patrick’s Day Pimp Cup

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Those are some jaded sportswriters

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Frank Haith: not so sure about Craig Sager’s bracket tie

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Dennis Rodman Lakers jersey spotted at the Real Madrid-CSKA Moscow match